Frustration

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Sigh.

Why my hard work is never enough to get to what I want.

It's a kind of frustration that I am unable to resolve. I'm totally frustrated by myself.

I can never be as good as what others want me to be.
I can never be as good as what I want to be.

It's even more frustrating to realise that there is almost nothing I can do to reverse the whole situation.

If all these events are a "must", what is my fate and my life leading me to?

When all the games, movies and outings are just temporary anesthetics to my painful life, what is the true panacea to all these?

There is an endless list of worries and I do not really see happiness in any part of the list.

I know this society is not a philanthropic one. I know I should not be rewarded based on what I have. But now who is there to lift my worries from all the monetary problems ahead?

The difference between an award and charity is so so vast.

And all the problems are cyclical.

I'm judged based on my past. My past is based on my past's past. Then it is resulted from my past's past's past.

It's as if the sun, the moon, the Orion is erased from my sky.

And I feel that people around me are adding worries to me.

I think maybe my mask is cracking and I'm starting to show my true self.

I'm not happy at all.

I think it's all right for a person to be selfish and think of his or her own happiness first before others.

Why should I care for others whether they are happy or not when I'm obviously not happy.

Why should I care about the feelings of others when they don't care for mine.

Why should I do something for others when they won't help me next time.

It's tiring. It's frustrating.

I need to be happier.