I'm Still An nth Class Citizen

Friday, April 18, 2008

It's not over yet. I don't know how many trips I have to make before everything is finished.

And how many times were my previous passport processed and chopped? If they still don't know what passport and citizenship I'm holding right now, then... I dont' know what I'm paying for actually.

If you receive 2 identical sets of instructions, do you execute them 2 times exactly?

The answer is

It's just IN CASE.

And I'm not a diplomat. I'm not a embassador. I'm not a lawyer.

Which case should it be in? Which case am I considered?

Can the government which now represent me tell me directly what to do.

Or rather, can the government which I want myself to be represented in, help ?

Please don't be looking so shocked when I have to visit again.

I really don't know anything.

And I'm wasting so many trips.

Why should I be bothered by all of your formalities?

Can I get at least a checklist of what I should do in the letter other than what is about my attire?

Can someone show me what are the documents I really need?

Can I be informed of the reason why I'm not getting my documents and not make me waste a trip, and queue up just for a one sentence reason?

Most of all, I paid.

I didn't do anything illegal.

And I don't know why,

I still feel like an Nth class citizen.

I still need to report to you again.

Again...

I feel sick and frustrated. I ask myself did I bring myself to end up in such a situation.

I am very sure it's a "No".

I just feel that it is so ridiculous.

Saying Goodbye To My Past

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I think perhaps there are a lot of people out there will not share the feelings I have. This is not a situation which is shared by a lot of people.

I know a lot of people will say, "Do you really have to feel so sad" or they may not understand why do I have to behave like this. I also think it is not a very big problem at first.

However, I realised it's not easy to let go and it's getting even harder to call this place a home.

As my MSN nick probably said it, I still feel like a second-class citizen.

And to renounce a citizenship is not that easy for me especially when everything was so much more familiar to me and I have to finally cut my last ties with the place where I am more willing to call home.

It's the last bond that I have with the place where I'm born.

And after all these kinds of trouble and discrimination, it's very hard to form new bonds and gain more trust with this new place.

I don't know why but to feel very sad. Even with a cup of bubble tea on my table, I cannot lift my mood.

And somemore it seems that I'm not eligible for the growth dividend.

Now I'm forced to say goodbye to my past.

I cannot find someone to share the burden and grief with me.

I feel discriminated.

I feel lost.

I feel upset.

It's unfair.

Why do I need to make a decision.

I just want to live peacefully.

Can people stop sending me letters to ask me to settle things.

I want my time back.

I want my life back.

Why do I have to go through so much trouble to get what I want.

Why do I need to go through so much trouble to get what I rightfully should have.

It's not as if I didn't do my part.

I didn't do something illegal, didn't do something that caused trouble.

I don't know why it's like this.

I won't have the time to settle all these nonsense anymore next time.

Can these nonsense stop.