Chances Don't Come After Regrets

Sunday, May 11, 2008

My blog has become a victim of all my negative emotions these days. I didn't think that it was that big of a matter, until I was triggered by an event and I realised things are not so simple after all.

There seems to be so many things that I can regard as regrets. And I won't have any chances to make up for them anymore. My piano practical exams, all the theory exams, A level, O level....so many things that will not ever come back to me again.

It is also frustrating to realise that it was my immaturity that caused all these regrets.

Maybe I didn't grab the chances to study, maybe I didn't realise that all these are important, there are just so many so many things that I know that I could have done.

But the fact is that...I really did screw up.

And I am not getting any chances to encourage me and tell me it's ok to fail once or I'm not screwing up that badly.

And this very event, told me very squarely in my face that I don't deserve anymore chances because of the fact that I messed things up.

I have been trying to console someone who said that he screwed up but the fact that he did not screw up. It takes me that extra effort to console him that he didn't and I still need to look back and tell myself that everything is fine and it's ok for me to screw up.

All the "sorry la" or whatever may not matter already. The damage was done.

Why are we so upset about not getting everything when we came to this world for nothing? Because we worked hard.

And because we always need a chance to get recognised and somebody or some event to tell us that you are doing the right thing and you should follow your path.

It's simply too realistic.

I don't feel like helping you anymore because I can't even help myself.

I can't help myself because I don't have the chance to repair the damage already.