Saying Goodbye To My Past

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I think perhaps there are a lot of people out there will not share the feelings I have. This is not a situation which is shared by a lot of people.

I know a lot of people will say, "Do you really have to feel so sad" or they may not understand why do I have to behave like this. I also think it is not a very big problem at first.

However, I realised it's not easy to let go and it's getting even harder to call this place a home.

As my MSN nick probably said it, I still feel like a second-class citizen.

And to renounce a citizenship is not that easy for me especially when everything was so much more familiar to me and I have to finally cut my last ties with the place where I am more willing to call home.

It's the last bond that I have with the place where I'm born.

And after all these kinds of trouble and discrimination, it's very hard to form new bonds and gain more trust with this new place.

I don't know why but to feel very sad. Even with a cup of bubble tea on my table, I cannot lift my mood.

And somemore it seems that I'm not eligible for the growth dividend.

Now I'm forced to say goodbye to my past.

I cannot find someone to share the burden and grief with me.

I feel discriminated.

I feel lost.

I feel upset.

It's unfair.

Why do I need to make a decision.

I just want to live peacefully.

Can people stop sending me letters to ask me to settle things.

I want my time back.

I want my life back.

Why do I have to go through so much trouble to get what I want.

Why do I need to go through so much trouble to get what I rightfully should have.

It's not as if I didn't do my part.

I didn't do something illegal, didn't do something that caused trouble.

I don't know why it's like this.

I won't have the time to settle all these nonsense anymore next time.

Can these nonsense stop.