Crucify My Love

Sunday, July 30, 2006

It's just so ironic that I'm writing this here. Totally ironic. And for the first time I think I want to write this in my blog. I didn't think it would come to such a situation - such a standstill. I also don't know what to do, how to react, how to deal with this situation - or even most of all how do I face this person from now onwards.

Actually I feel so glad that I didn't do something stupid on Saturday. Otherwise the situation will be out of control.

It has been quite an eye-opener. And now nothing is really going to stop me from looking things from my own perspective. Perhaps love can be really that selfish, that untrustworthy and insecure. Now I found out something new - everyone's definition of love is so different - and so warped at times.

I don't know what's the motive behind behind this. From what I see - returning every single thing back after such a long while - maybe I've already become something that you must get rid of in your life - your next phase of life. It's not a relationship that is worth remembering. So painful that you hope to wake up next day...

All the apologies do not seem to matter anymore. This is just something that I cannot tolerate (perhaps I'm weird but I'm now insisting on my stand) And you come back and ask me "Can we still be friends?" With all these what do you expect me to say? I can't live up to all the expectations. I need my own life.

Even the love between friends - I don't even feel it now. Just by doing all these I think you just want to cut off everything. Everything. Just let it return back to 0. Nothing has happened at all. Until we don't know each other. We shouldn't have crossed our paths.

I'm supposed be the rubbish dump and clear up the mess. I'm supposed to undo all the damage? You go and pick yourself up. It's already for such a long while. I also don't know whether I'm a fool - thinking that we are still friends for the past few months. Perhaps all you've been thinking is getting rid of all the memories and things. From the start it's all - fake? Said that we can still be friends - but what is the situation now? To me it's an outright and clear message.

It's an ultimate move.

I just cannot stand it. I never saw it coming. It seemed so unintentional, so innocent - but the damage is done. Let everything crucify.

I'm not regretting for what I said - I'm now looking from my own perspective. I don't really care now after all these things are done. When people hurt you, it gives you the right to defend or even hurt them back again. Then I shall say this here - it's really very painful.

If anyone else want to speak out - let me say this - spare a thought for both parties. If anything else happens it just gets even uglier.

Carry on with your life then. I don't want to be in any part of your life anymore.